Love is a Battlefield

Decisions, decisions...I really hate making them, epecially when it comes to love matters. On the one hand having a serious relationship sounds wonderful right now..but on the other hand, there goes my freedom I have so much enjoyed since my last relationship ended. I admit that most of the time I think with the wrong head and it tends to put some tension on whatever relationship I am in. I can't help it. I am like a fan when it comes to men. As I am looking at one, another passes by and I just have to turn and look and look and look. Even I get dizzy sometimes thinking about it. My friends of course can't keep up with me..."who is this we are talking about now?" they ask. And even I sometimes get confused and say the wrong name! Anyway, recently one particular guy I dated in the past has been on my mind a lot. He is so sweet and we have been seeing each other sexually off and on for the last few weeks. Is clear to me that he wants me back as his boyfriend even though he has not mentioned anything like that to me and I could be completely off base. But, I don't think so. He just purchased matching bracelets for us. Hello! Than there is the other guys, occasional men that I see sexually as well that are not interested in anything serious but potentially may later on. Do I give up on my freedom and all those men for just one guy that already did not work for me in the past due to my fan problem or do I give up on this relationship thing all together and just admit to myself this is who I am...a big slut? Because lets face it, I do enjoy going out dancing, meeting new guys, having fun sexually with them...etc. Like I said decisions, decisions.

December Morn

Woke up this morning in a panic. How much money have a spent this weekend?? Is been one party after the other. Between Christmas parties and going out with friends I have not stopped drinking for four days. I don't think my body can take much more of it. So today, I will make an effort to NOT GO OUT! Besides, money money money is gone gone gone. And unfortunately rent will be due at the end of the month whether I like it or not. Of course being true to myself as a dreamer I also had the crazy thought this morning that I should get in my car and drive to the nearest casino in hopes I win some of the money I have spent back. Fat chance right? Well, I might just do it anyway. So wish me luck!
On a different subject, what is going on with me and men lately? I have been seeing two of my ex's, met a few new prospects and have hooked up with almost of all them. Always been physically safe of course but emotionally I am hurting myself and others and I can't seem to stop. Is this my midlife crisis? I mean I am enjoying all the sex, but what in the world am I doing???